It’s possible that social media marketing’s real function is to amuse us with the ludicrous, ugly, and just plain embarrassing marketing efforts left behind by the experts infesting the market.

This, I guarantee you, will be one of those efforts:

It’s just like Glee, only not at all.

Some are suggesting this embarrassing spectacle mirrors the decline of social media. I can’t say that.

I can say that overweight white guys in khaki pants should not attempt to rap.

Avoid Embarrassment

In the mid-90s, a client asked me — with about eight hours notice — to write a “funny skit” that would be performed live by the VP of Marketing at a sales conference.

“Just ten minutes long” he said.

Right.

Ten minutes is actually a lot of funny. And eight hours is not much time to craft it.

And here’s the real rub. I’m not funny. Not that way.

I can write a funny ad. I can write a funny campaign. And twice I wrote a series of funny radio spots.

But I can’t write a hilarious skit that is so good it’ll pull laughs even when a couple of stiffs in suits perform it in front an audience who isn’t there to laugh. I’m nowhere near that good.

To my credit, I knew this relatively early in my career.

So I did what you do in those situations.

I lied.

“Sorry. I’m leaving town in about an hour.”

A couple weeks later, I asked my contact how their skit went.

“Great,” she said. “Everyone loved it.”

Two days after that, I ran into an employee, whose assessment was subtly different.

“The most uncomfortable 15 minutes of my life” he said. His friend simply shook his head sadly. And I think they were only exaggerating a tiny bit.

I’ve said it before. Funny is hard. It’s dying that’s easy (Ok, somebody else said that.)

I’m sure the “Let’s get social” song (and the wince-inducing rap attack at 3:50) seemed like a good idea in the friendly confines of a conference room. But trust me, these things — barring the intervention of a real songwriter (or comedy writer, or rapper, or whatever) — don’t fly a majority of the time.

Unless your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to other writers, don’t do this.

Keep writing, Tom Chandler

The Truly Unfortunate Lyrics To The Truly Cring-Inducing *Let’s Get Social

Verse 1
I’m showing you things you’ll like
Trying to get engagement
Here’s some photos from my life
My cat, my kids, some bacon

Verse 2
I’m hoping you’ll share my stuff
And tweet it to the world
If you help me grow my Klout,
I promise that I’ll share yours

Pre-chorus
So connect with me, let’s have some fun
Let’s show the world how this gets done

Chorus
Let’s get social (social) with social media
Let’s get social (social) with social media
Where we can spread the word and grow our reach
And find our fans in their newsfeed
Let’s get social with social media

Verse 3
We’re searching for the story
That’ll bring us instant fame
So we shoot our “viral video”
And we post it to the Gram

Verse 4
We’re looking for the secret
Of Facebook’s Holy Grail
We try to keep from paying
That leads to hashtag #fail

(Repeat pre-chorus and chorus then to bridge)

Bridge
Hey now y’all, can we just get real?
Do we care about our fans or is this just another deal?
Said another way, have we lost our way?
Social’s about the people, remember they are people
Do we really need another fan, like or share?
Do we need another post to show up everywhere?
I hope as we scatter we never forget
That our posts live forever even when we go to bed

(c) 2014 Philmonious Psongs. All rights reserved.

(Really? They felt it necessary to copyright this dog?)