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Better Writing Through Modern Punctuation (or, That Futsy Old Punctuation Doesn’t Cut It Anymore)

February 27, 2013, by Tom Chandler 4 comments
The Morgan Freemark

Despite being mangled by entitled hipsters too lazy to pick up a dictionary, the English language clearly isn’t evolving quickly enough to accommodate the needs of the online world.

For example, we’re writing with the same dusty old punctuation marks we’ve been using for hundreds of years, and simply put, they just don’t seem cool enough anymore.

Fortunately, College Humor saw the problem and created 8 New Punctuation Marks We Desperately Need. Frankly, I’m on board.

Consider the jaw-dropping utility of the Sinceriod, Sarcastises, and my personal favorite, the Einstein-level-brilliant Morgan Freemark:

The Morgan Freemark

The Morgan Freemark

The Sarcastises

The Sarcastises

The Sinceriod

The Sinceriod

 

Suddenly, we don’t have to be better writers than those who came before us; we’ll enjoy the talent-deficit-erasing benefits of better punctuation.

For that matter, imagine a whole series of actor marks similar to the Morgan Freemark.

Feeling presidential? Wrap that copy in the Martin Sheenmark.

Want more oomph? Try the Marlon Brandmarks.

You know that vacuous, insincere personal essay? Just append a pair of Ryan Seacrestmarks and you’re gold.

The mind boggles. The fingers tremble. The lips part.

Can’t wait for this hot new punctuation to enter the mainstream? Download a font containing these marks here.

Here at the Underground we’re excited to bring you tomorrow’s punctuation today (in many cases, you’re getting it well before lunch).

Keep writing (but don’t bother with all that old skool punctuation), Tom Chandler.

The New Laptop Hunt; Why Writing These Things Down Sometimes Helps

February 25, 2013, by Tom Chandler 4 comments
Dell XPS13

If it wasn’t for the fact I’m spending money, I’d really enjoy shopping for a new computer.

Early last year I gave my 15″ Inspiron laptop to an Ethiopian engineering student who needed it a lot worse than I did. My 10″ netbook is OK for straight writing, and my aging, anchor-esque 17″ Dell laptop worked when more screen real estate was needed.

Dell XPS13

Dell XPS13

But with a trip to Hawaii staring me in the face (I know, weep for me) and more travel on the horizon, it’s time for something faster and sleeker. (Traveling with two kids means paring down everything you carry; on those slogs to the rental car and panicked dashes to the next gate, ounces equal pounds, and pounds equal pain.)

My wife’s Asus Zenbook Ultrabook has been stellar, the only real problem being the Windows operating system running it.

Regular readers know of my forbidden love for Ubuntu Linux, a free, open source operating system that frees me from the walled gardens being built by Microsoft and Apple.

I’ll be looking for a Linux-friendly laptop, and the Zenbook doesn’t qualify, but several of Dell’s ultrabooks do, and that’s where I’m starting.

Well, that’s where I’m looking first. It’s just possible I over-research buying decisions, eventually overloading the decision-making centers in my brain into a state of immobility.

A smart daddy/writer would take a look at the Dell XP13′s featherweight status (2.99 pounds), speed, reviews, keyboard and Linux compatibility, and just buy it.

Which I just did*.

Keep writing (on whatever computer excites you), Tom Chandler.
 
 
(*Not a cheap journalistic trick; in the writing of this post I convinced myself to go lighter instead of bigger.)

The Week In Tweets

February 22, 2013, by Tom Chandler 2 comments
  • Hooray! @Mailchimp gets user roles (Admins, Managers, Authors, etc). Make it easier to manage client email programs: http://t.co/U03ppKPG ->
  • Office 2013 retail licensing change ties suite to specific PC forever – Computerworld http://t.co/DEeIRLGE #microsoftbites ->
  • The original "Pardon Me…" Grey Poupon spot revived 25 years later. Only now it includes car chase: http://t.co/DiaXBhSh ->
  • Anyone still think TV is dead? Marissa Mayer unveils Yahoo's new look on Today (popular morning TV show): http://t.co/DnIo7d7Q ->
  • Do aspiring chefs spend all day online reading advice on cooking instead of actually cooking? Or is it just aspiring writers? RT @fakeeditor ->
  • New Post: Microsoft To Writers Buying MS Office 2013: "Screw You": http://t.co/yolSaSC7sx ->
  • Is the literary essay extinct, declining or entering a Golden Age? The New Republic: http://t.co/8M8umjVVAi ->

Microsoft To Writers Buying MS Office 2013: “Screw You”

February 21, 2013, by Tom Chandler 4 comments

Writers who live and breathe MS Word probably won’t be happy to hear the following:  the 2013 version of Microsoft Office only allows you to install the office suite on a single PC (instead of several, like your laptop and desktop).

Astonishingly, if that PC dies, stolen or is replaced, Microsoft’s license doesn’t let you install Office 2013 on the new PC without buying another license (from ReadWrite):

Users pretty much get the fact that you have to buy multiple licenses of Office (or other locally installed software) when using it at the same time. But now Microsoft is saying that their software is forever tied to the first PC on which you install Office 2013.

Curiously, Microsoft is trying to justify this move with the somewhat whiney excuse that they’ve done this before.

“Office 2013 has the same licensing provisions around transferability as the equivalent Office 2010 package, which was the package purchased by most Office 2010 customers,” the company told Bradley.

Um, not quite. Computerworld did some digging and learned that while there was language in Office 2010′s EULA that seemed to limit one licensed copy to one PC, there were allowances in the legalese made for shifting from one PC to another.

“‘You may reassign the license to a different device any number of times, but not more than one time every 90 days,’ stated the EULA for Office Home & Student 2010, the most popular consumer version of that edition. ‘If you reassign, that other device becomes the ‘licensed device.’ If you retire the licensed device due to hardware failure, you may reassign the license sooner.’”

That kind of language has been removed from Office 2013′s EULA.

Nice, Microsoft. Nice.

They not only change the licensing terms, but when they’re called on it, their response is to misrepresent their new license.

And oh yeah — they’re *raising* the price of Office for the Mac.

You feeling the love?

Industry pundits think Microsoft’s abusive licensing terms are designed to push people to cloud versions of the software. And in this instance, I have to agree with Microsoft — it’s time for a switch. But not to Office 2013 or its cloud version.

Maybe it’s time to think “free.”

Thanks, But I’m Out Of The Office

I left MS Office behind after the 2003 version. Since then I’ve relied on LibreOffice/OpenOffice (LibreOffice is the newer fork of the older Open Office).

This open source (free!) office suite has undergone a recent series of upgrades that have dramatically improved file imports, which were an issue 4-5 years ago (especially MS Word’s anti-industry standards .docx format).

I’ve experienced few problems opening client MS Word documents. In fact, I haven’t experienced a single file formatting/track changes issue in two years (admittedly I don’t often work with hyper-complex documents).

Hey, You’re A Writer, Not An Art Director

LibreOffice is not as powerful as MS Office and the interface at times feels clunky, but then the vast majority of users — especially writers — don’t really need all that power, most of which is focused on document formatting, not text processing.

LibreOffice website

The LibreOffice website (click image to free yourself from MS Office).

 

I’ve built a lot of presentations on Impress (the LibreOffice PowerPoint equivalent), and Draw is a happy little graphics program (I use it for forms). LibreOffice Calc is the spreadsheet, and it’s built and opened every spreadsheet that’s come across my desk the last four years save one. Power-mad spreadsheet hounds won’t want to switch from Excel to LibreOffice Calc, but I did, and haven’t experienced a problem.

Because LibreOffice is free, those concerned about MS Word document compatibility can simply download the latest version (the 4.0 release) and try it.

Open a few MS Word documents. See how the notes and change tracking works. Open your templates and see what happens.

My guess? You’re facing a little bit of touchup (typically related to font switching). It’s a new piece of software and that’s always disorienting, but most of us type letters onto a screen and then format them a little bit, and any number of software packages can do that for without an abusive licensing agreement.

And while you’re playing with LibreOffice, keep the following in mind; LibreOffice can be installed on each and every one of your computers, and buying a new PC doesn’t involve paying for another copy of the office suite you already own.

Those looking for even better MS Office compatibility (and a return to the older Office 2003-style interface) also might consider Softmaker’s Office 2012 — an affordable office clone that I also own and sometimes use (their “Textmaker” Android app works beautifully with MS Word documents).

With most of my text written for online use, I don’t much bother with word processors, but even if I did, I can’t quite choke down abusive licensing terms designed to herd me to a cloud version I don’t want.

Keep writing (on anything but MS Word), Tom Chandler.

The “New” Publishing: Writers Dying And Going To Heaven

February 18, 2013, by Tom Chandler No comments yet

A fly fishing friend was contacted by a publisher to write a sizable portion of a new “20 Best…” book, but oddly, the initial contact he received made no mention of compensation.

After a lot of back and forth — where he was expected to agree to the project before seeing a contract — it became clear it was a “work for hire” agreement; the publisher wanted all rights to the text and all the photos submitted.

And then, as if from a fog, the compensation picture emerged:

He was to receive two “free” books.

“This,” my darkly sarcastic friend wrote, “is what it must feel like to die and go to heaven.”

Keep writing (but not for mokes like the above publisher), Tom Chandler.

The Week In Tweets

February 15, 2013, by Tom Chandler No comments yet
  • Elizabeth Gilbert Versus Philip Roth: Is Writing Torture? (Please. There are tougher ways to make a living): http://t.co/jAw3pTTN ->
  • A Review: The Google Nexus 7 Tablet (Was The 7" Tablet The Right Size All Along?): http://t.co/T5xS6188 ->
  • PR Nightmare Of The Week So Far (or, I'm Glad I'm Not a Carnival Cruise PR Director) – http://t.co/xwc5kLwG ->

PR Nightmare Of The Week So Far (or, I’m Glad I’m Not a Carnival Cruise PR Director)

February 14, 2013, by Tom Chandler 2 comments

The “Booze Cruise” is a well-known concept in nautical circles, but all credit to Carnival Cruise lines for pioneering the “Urine & Fecal Matter Cruise.”  One of their cruise ships has been disabled for eight days in the Gulf of Mexico, and the passengers — who clearly didn’t expect to swim in their own sewage (I guess they didn’t read the brochure very closely) — seem unhappy:

Passengers have been texting ABC News that sewage is seeping down the walls from burst plumbing pipes, the carpets are wet with urine. Food is in short supply and reports have surfaced of elderly passengers running out of critical heart medicine, and others on board the ship squabbling over scarce food.

I know when I pay thousands of dollars for a Quality Vacation Experience, I don’t typically expect to get raw sewage at no additional cost.

The passengers are already skewering Carnival via social media; who wants to be the PR staffer facing the media when these poor (and sorta smelly) souls hit the dock?

Me neither.

A Review: The Google Nexus 7 Tablet (Was The 7″ Tablet The Right Size All Along?)

February 14, 2013, by Tom Chandler No comments yet

After wrestling with a pair of 10″ tablets, I decide a 7″ tablet is a better choice…

My family owns an iPad and a 10″ Toshiba (Android) tablet, which have combined to make something less than a big fan of 10″ tablets.

When the Toshiba got dropped enough times by the kids to render it unreliable (squeeze it and it resets) — and I grew tired of whacking myself on the forehead every time I nodded off reading an ebook — I bought a 7″ Google Nexus tablet.

Suddenly, I’m grooving on the concept that smaller is better (note that Apple’s iPad Mini may be small in stature, but not in price; the 32GB version is $429 versus the Nexus 7′s $259 price tag).

The Nexus 7 Tablet

The Nexus 7 Tablet

 

For the first time, I own a truly stick-it-in-your-pocket portable tablet that’s fast and slim and lasts a long time.

You can even — and tablet owners will be shocked by this thought — hold it comfortably in a single hand.

This, I think, is what I wanted all along.

I’m happy watching video and reading ebooks on the smaller screen, though the tablet still remains — in line with my previous thoughts on the subject — a productivity-free zone for writing.

My admittedly elitist take is that 10″ tablets simply aren’t portable enough; they approach netbooks and Ultrabooks in size, yet lack the productivity of either.

The 7″ Nexus tablet is brilliant by comparison. You can stuff it in a pocket and it fills the hand comfortably.

(And yes, I’m plugged into Google’s apps, and have grown wholly allergic to Apple’s tiny, closed universe.)

It’s the perfect email triage/multimedia consumption machine.

Given the sales success of the Google Nexus 7 tablet and the fact the iPad Mini already accounts for approximately half of Apple’s iPad sales, could it be the 7″ tablet was the right format all along?

Keep writing, Tom Chandler.

The Week In Tweets

February 8, 2013, by Tom Chandler No comments yet
  • Tor UK Top Tips: Our Authors on Writing | http://t.co/4SCAmdHy http://t.co/BLZzuZuj ->
  • RT @tomcopy: I recognise too many of these… http://t.co/KbsY8vmt ->
  • Latest Sign Of The Marketing Apocalypse: Marketers now using the word "Phygital": http://t.co/zKNulKWw ->
  • New Yorker cartoonists forced to use Etch-A-Sketch apps, uniformly rebel: http://t.co/gn4Mj6Y5 ->

The Week In Tweets

February 1, 2013, by Tom Chandler No comments yet
  • Don't be so modest: The Humblebrag Generator helps you tweet like a humblebragging pro… http://t.co/BOlM7KzY ->
  • Markdown plugins and Sublime Text 2 create a powerful text editor for writing copy for online use. Frictionless. http://t.co/FCl30dqI ->
  • 125 Years of National Geographic groundbreaking photography: http://t.co/ZNDzA39b ->
  • Comic genius John Cleese on the 5 Factors to Make Your Life More Creative | Brain Pickings http://t.co/U5tM6F6M ->
  • Google+ moves up to second place in social networks | ZDNet http://t.co/Ix39Nxlk ->
  • RT @billcarter: “I thought, frankly, that it would be more pleasant to write a memoir than it was.”
    #JimHarrison ->
  • RT @latimesbooks: Writers writing about writing: 'Why We Write' http://t.co/w7jQLWEB ->
  • Introducing Courier Prime — a font specifically for screenwriting from screenwriter John August http://t.co/zdy7ugMB ->
  • RT @bross_RS: Enough reading for all of 2013. RT @conor64: 102 Spectacular Nonfiction Stories from 2012 http://t.co/kWKxMYSY ->

Underground Review: Songbook by Nick Hornby

January 29, 2013, by Tom Chandler No comments yet

SongbookSongbook by Nick Hornby

Nick Hornby’s best known for writing novels featuring believable (and sympathetic) slacker man-boy characters, but his critical essays are easily the equal of his novels.

Though Hornby’s Songbook doesn’t quite measure up to his autobiographical book review series (or maybe I’m simply a bigger book lover than music fiend), it’s still an entertaining, cogent series of personal essays about music.

Songbook highlights 31 of Hornby’s favorite pop music standards, and wrapped around each is his personal connection to the songs. Some of them — especially those pertaining to his autistic son — are very personal, and the net effect is to render Songbook as much autobiographical as critical.

Hornby definitely walks a fine line here (any personal essay runs the risk of stepping into navel gazing territory) but he does a good job of speaking to his personal preferences and history without abandoning the reader.

In the end, the essays are wholly engaging — even when he’s talking about music I’ve never heard. That’s probably because he delves into concepts like overexposure to pop music, the value of pop (despite its sometimes simplistic lyrics) and the divergence (currently) of pop music and social change.

Stuff like that.

Interesting stuff like that.

As a confirmed Hornby fanboy, I don’t believe Songbook represents his best essay work, but I’m glad I finally broke down and bought it.

View all my reviews

“Mr. Chandler, The Universe Is Calling.”

January 25, 2013, by Tom Chandler 4 comments

At the end of last week, I was sitting in my office chair after a lot of hand-to-hand combat with a pair of websites. Consulting is a good gig, but I do recall leaning back and wondering if I couldn’t scare up a pure writing gig.

No web responsibilities. No integration. No project management.

No connecting the tech dots.

Early this week, the call came. “You want to write our annual report?”

No, I haven’t written one in years. And yes, I’m pleased to write yours.

You ask, and sometimes the universe answers.

Keep writing (and asking), Tom Chandler.

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For 27 years I've worked as a copywriter. Despite that, I retain a youthful appearance and remain mostly sane.

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