It’s been scientifically proven* that most of what we write is shit, though I didn’t know until now the AMA had formally recognized the condition.
Here’s an excerpt from a serious, peer-reviewed science article by TV writer Andy Bobrow (Malcolm in the Middle, Community, etc), which — if you want to put an end to the pestilence that is SWS — you’ll read right now.
Please, think of the children.
This is something I have never talked about publicly. Five years ago, shortly after my beautiful daughter’s third birthday, I was diagnosed with advanced SWS — Shit Writing Syndrome.
I’ll assume you’ve never heard of it. I hadn’t. Webster’s Dictionary defines Shit Writing Syndrome as “a disorder that turns one’s writing to shit, for example, by causing one to quote this dictionary when describing the disorder.”
The mechanics of the disease are still not well understood. Some experts believe that fecal matter leaks out of your colon and travels through your lymphatic system into your writing. Others think it’s figurative. But those distinctions matter little when you are looking at a page of your own writing and seeing shit.
They found it by accident. I had gone to the doctor for a routine penile enlargement procedure. I had filled out the standard Writers Guild insurance forms, and that’s where it turned up. When my doctor walked into the room, she had a hard time making eye contact.
“We won’t be enlarging your penis today,” she started, haltingly.
Ordinarily, she spoke with such clinical reserve. But this was different, personal. “When we looked at your paperwork, something seemed off. I took the liberty of sending it to a lab,” she continued. “Andy… your writing… it’s almost a hundred percent shit.”
You can read the rest of this gripping story about the scourge of SWS here.
Keep writing shit, Tom Chandler.
(*Not scientifically proven)